Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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