I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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