Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Randomize
