i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
