I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
