You made me cry and you don't even care
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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