My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
So many bounce houses so little time
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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