Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Houston, we have a squirter
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
