is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
