I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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