I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Randomize
