How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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