I just saw a hot homeless man
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
