Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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