I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
