i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
