my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
