Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize