Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
