Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
