I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
