I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
