I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
