One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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