im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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