So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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