Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
