I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
