she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
