Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
