i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
