note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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