From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
