Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
