you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
