its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
