Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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