somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
