hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
