How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
