He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
