my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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