he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
