normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
did i just pee glitter
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize