high people should be assigned attendants
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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