talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
foreskin is a definite game changer
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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