Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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