At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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