Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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