____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
