Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
