i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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