i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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