haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
