I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize