I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
