dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Two words: blizzard sex
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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