in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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