Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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