You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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