cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
