garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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