it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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