we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
These tits shall not be calmed
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
