also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Everyone says I win the strip club
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
