You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
