this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
