do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize