If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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