hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
