As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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