Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
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