just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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