I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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