i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
