Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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