1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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