I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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