Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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