I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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