i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize