some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
