chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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