I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
