I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
