i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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