We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize