he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
apparently the secret to your success is patron
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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