I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
