he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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