If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
