I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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