I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
