my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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