I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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