I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
