I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
