Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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