You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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