I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
