Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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