I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I supernannyed him into submission
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