I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
