We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
