My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
