when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She even gives head with a lisp.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
