i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
