If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
