Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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