Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
do herpes really smell.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You're a waste of cheezeits
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
