I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
